"Lord, to whom shall we go?"

"Lord, to whom shall we go?"  It had to be a rhetorical question.  I mean, Peter didn't actually expect Jesus to explain his various choices.  "Well, Peter, you could go here --  or over there."  No.  The point of this whole exchange, which actually began with a question from Jesus, was for the disciples to decide -- once and for all -- whether or not they would stay with the Lord.  This was it.  Either they were all in, to the end, or it was time to leave.   They did, in fact, have a choice.  And that is why this was such a critical juncture in Jesus' ministry and the life of the disciples.

The setting: It was shortly after Jesus fed the five thousand with the five small barley loaves and two small fish.  Arguably one of His most dramatic miracles.  And then Jesus walked on water toward the disciples in the boat, crossing the lake and getting out on the other side where the crowd once again found Him.  They didn't want to lose this miracle worker -- this One Who miraculously fed them all.  In fact, after they found Him, they began asking Him for more miracles.  But Jesus didn't comply.  Instead, He began to reveal some of the secrets of the Kingdom of Heaven.   He told the crowd (including His disciples) that He Himself was the bread of life, and they would have to eat His flesh and drink His blood if they truly wanted to live.

Really?  Eat His flesh and drink His blood?  Surely Jesus didn't actually mean that!  But that's what He said.  And it was too much for the crowd.  It was too much for almost everyone.  They all left Him.  All but the twelve.

And then Jesus turned to the twelve disciples and asked them, "Do you want to go away too?"  It was the impulsive Peter who responded first.  And even after hearing these disturbing words from Jesus about eating His flesh and drinking His blood, Peter's response is still the only one that could be made by those who truly knew Jesus:  "Lord, to whom shall we go?"

I found myself saying these words over and over again this past year.  "Lord, to whom shall I go?"  It was a year of intense struggle, disillusionment,  and sadness.  I was searching for something, or someone, to help me make sense of it all.  I didn't know it at the time, but it was to be a significant turning point in my spiritual development.  I hit "the wall" of my spiritual journey, and it was time to make a decision, once and for all.

It was when I stopped my search, when I stopped asking the question, "Lord, to whom shall I go?" that I realized I already had everything I needed --  everything my heart could ever hope for.    "Lord, to whom shall I go?"  Indeed, there IS no where else to go.  Jesus alone has the grace and mercy we so desperately need.   Jesus alone has the words of healing and hope.  Jesus alone offers the unconditional love for which we long.  Jesus alone has the words of eternal life.  Jesus alone always welcomes us home, with open arms.  Jesus alone.  

Where else could we go?