"At least it's not cancer," (the well-meaning misuse of words)

"At least it's not cancer."

Disappointment and discouragement, set-backs and trials, suffering, illness and death.

If you are a human being, you will experience these things -- probably all of these things --  eventually.  Whether you are a follower of Christ or not, they are part of the human experience.

Our family is going through a pretty difficult time right now.  I will save the details, but suffice it to say that this is a particularly challenging chapter in our lives. 

And, we live in a small community.  I grew up in the Chicago area, where I could go to the mall, the grocery store and the hardware store and never run into a single person I knew. But in our small community I can't drive through McDonald's without someone mentioning that they saw me -- and at what time -- and who I was with -- and maybe even what I ordered.

It's just the nature of small towns.  I get it.  And most of the time, I truly appreciate it.  My children have always known that if they got into any trouble, I'd probably find out about it within an hour or less.  But they also know that if they were ever in an emergency, help is available right next door -- or across the street -- or down the block.  Within this small town are people who know them and care about them deeply.  And that is priceless.

However, forget about anonymity.  There is no hiding.  But that means there are also lots of people who care.  And the people who care have a sincere desire to be encouraging and helpful when others are struggling.  Those who love us want to offer something -- usually some words of encouragement -- to let us know they care.

But here's where it gets interesting.  Words.  Put the right ones together and you have a novel, a poem, a song.  Words can be very powerful.  Words can change the course of someone's life.


As important as they are, you'd think we would be required to take multiple classes on how to use them.  Not just classes on how to write sentences and paragraphs and thesis papers.  But classes on how to REALLY use words, and use them WELL.

For instance, what classes teach us what to say to someone who is struggling?  What classes teach us what to say to someone when their son, or daughter, has just died?  Where do we learn what to say to someone who has lost a job, or to someone who is going through a bitter divorce, or to a family that just lost all their possessions in a tornado? 



In the difficult times of life, I have discovered an important truth.  When it comes to words, quality is much more important than quantity.   In fact, sometimes no words are necessary.

It is the MINISTRY OF PRESENCE.  It's not a new concept at all.  As followers of Jesus Christ, it is one of the most powerful ministries we can perform.  It means we show up.  We come alongside our brothers and sisters in Christ and "bear one another's burdens."  It means that THEIR burdens become OUR burdens as well. 

We don't offer words like, "Be positive!" or "At least it's not cancer," or "When God closes a door He opens a window," or "God must have wanted another little girl in heaven," (Lord, forgive us!) -- but instead we offer Jesus.  We simply love by being Christ to others.

Don't get me wrong.  I think words are very important.  And while some of them should NEVER be spoken, there are other words that we need to hear, at the right time.

When Mary's brother, Lazarus, died, the first thing Jesus did when he saw Mary weeping was He wept Himself.   Jesus did not deny the pain.  He did not ignore the sorrow.  He was present to it all.

And then He said, "Lazarus, come out!"

The ministry of presence means that we will BE THERE.  We will experience it with the other person.  We will stand with them, sit with them, walk with them, cry with them, fight with them, work with them -- we will BE WITH THEM.  We will remind them that they are never, ever alone.