What is Real??

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room.  "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse.  "It's a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.  "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse.  "You become.  It takes a long time.  That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Some of the best theological insights come from children's books.

"Real," "authentic," "genuine," "transparent," these are all buzz words in our culture.  And particularly within the Christian community.  We want people to be "real" with us.  We want "authentic" worship.  We want "relevant" preaching from people who are "genuine" and "transparent."

But what does it REALLY mean to be real?  Technically (in other words, the dictionary definition), real means true and factual, not imaginary, artificial, or fraudulent,.  "Real" is an adjective --  it describes a noun.  At the end of The Velveteen Rabbit, the Rabbit becomes a real rabbit. 

So what kind of real are we looking for?  What does a real person look like?  And how does one become a real person?

You can't plan or program "real."   Real isn't about having the right "experience." Real isn't something for which we train, study, or prepare.  As the Skin Horse tells us, Real is about BECOMING.

As followers of Jesus, Real is something that happens INSIDE us, within our heart and soul.  Real is the process of letting the love of Jesus invade our hearts more and more until gradually, over time, His love takes over and we begin to love as He loves.  We begin to see others as He sees them. 

I do disagree with the Skin Horse on at least one point, though.  When the Rabbit asked him if becoming real hurts, he said "sometimes," and then added, "when you are real you don't mind being hurt."

But I think you DO mind being hurt.  At least I do.  As much as I value the lessons that pain and suffering bring, I do not always enjoy them.  Having most of your hair loved off and your eyes popped out and your joints all loose, well, that doesn't always feel good.  I would much prefer to keep my hair and eyes, thank you very much.

But becoming Real means that, even though you do mind being hurt, you choose it anyway.  Because at the heart of becoming Real is love.  Love is the main ingredient necessary to achieve "Realness." And to find out what love is, look at God.  God demonstrates for us in very real, tangible ways what love is.  And He makes it clear that if you really, truly love, pain is inevitable.   Being hurt is part of the deal.


Love requires sacrifice.  Love requires vulnerability.  Love requires humility.  Love requires putting the needs of others before your own.  Love requires opening yourself up to all the pain and disappointment and suffering that is a part of being human. And that means eventually losing all your hair and your eyes and maybe a limb or two -- or at least having your heart broken many, many times.

If you're on this journey of faith and truly seeking to know and love the heart of God, then your desire is to become more like Jesus.  And becoming more like Jesus means becoming Real.  Because Jesus was -- and is -- very real.  And He looks at our shabbiness -- all our scars and brokenness -- quite differently than most of the rest of the world.


"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Be assured,  Jesus understands.   Fully.  Completely.  As no one else can.  And He loves us -- not in spite of our shabbiness -- but because of it.

Being around real people is such a privilege.  Sometimes you have to work a little harder to find them, because they're not trying to get anyone's attention.  But if you invest some time, and you know what to look for, you can discover them. They are truly beautiful.   There's nothing "fake" or "artificial" about them.  They're not trying to impress anyone.  They don't have to.  They know they are loved.  And that's all that matters.