"You Complete Me?" - The Problem with Jerry MaGuire

(This is part one of a chapel address I gave on Wednesday, with slight editing.  If you're interested, I'm going to post part two later:)

“Jerry MaGuire” came out in 1996, grossing over $250 million.  It was a romantic comedy/drama/sports film (something for everyone) starring Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger (Cuba Downy, Jr. won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in the film).  “Jerry” (played by Tom Cruise) and “Dorothy” (played by Renee Zellweger) get married, but their marriage is really one of convenience, not love (at least on Jerry’s part).  They almost break up, until Jerry finally realizes that he does indeed love Dorothy, and he comes back to “reclaim” her in this scene:

Jerry MaGuire - "You Had Me At Hello"

“You had me at ‘hello’”.  What a great line.  I love that line.  Songs have been written using that line.  After all of Jerry’s pleading and explaining and justifying, Dorothy interrupts – “Shut up.  Shut up.  You had me at 'hello'.  You had me at 'hello'.”

But it’s actually Jerry’s line that interests me more. 

“You complete me,”  He says to Dorothy.  “You complete me.”

Think about that line.  Think about the implications of that line.  “You complete me” implies that I was not already complete.  I need YOU – my perfect match.

“You complete me,” as if before you came into my life, I was not a whole person.  But now, with you in my life, finally, there is meaning.  Purpose. There is joy, happiness, fulfillment.  You – this person now in my life – you complete me.

Well, if that’s the case, it seems the best use of our time would be to go out and search for that one who completes us, right?  We need to find them!  If you’re not married, if you haven’t found “the one,” you’re going around as a half-person! 

And what if you don’t find them?  Does that mean you are doomed to live the rest of your life as an incomplete, half-person, full of holes?

OK, I might be exaggerating a little bit.   But just a little. 

Our culture perpetuates it.  “Jerry Maguire” is just one example of hundreds of Hollywood films and TV shows where the woman – or man – is in need of “rescuing.”  Now, I love movies.  If you know me at all, you know that much!  And I like a good romantic comedy.  But most of them follow the same, “You complete me” formula.  The main characters walk around miserable and lonely until they finally find each other.  And before the movie ends (within 90-120 minutes) they do, and then all is well!  A happy ending.

To one degree or another, many of us believe in the formula.  We are waiting, hoping, to find our completeness in someone else.

Maybe we’re waiting for a spouse – waiting to find the perfect person to marry – and expecting that person to fulfill us, to complete us.

Or maybe we’re looking to other relationships to complete us.  Friends.  Family.  Teachers.  Pastors.  Mentors.  Brothers and Sisters in Christ. 

We are certainly relational beings.  God has designed us that way.  We need each other.  I would be the first to agree with that statement.  We need the community.  We need the Body of Christ. 

But if you enter ANY relationship – dating, friendship, marriage – expecting that person to fulfill your deepest needs, you will be terribly disappointed.  Maybe not right away, but eventually it will happen. 

Because the deepest needs of the human soul cannot be met by other people.

Our goal is NOT to find the one person who completes us.  Truthfully, there isn’t a person on the planet who completes you or me.  That person simply doesn’t exist.

No person can fulfill the deepest needs of your heart.  No person can fulfill the deepest longings of your soul.  No.  That place is reserved for God and God alone. 

And if you continue to search for PEOPLE to meet those deepest needs, not only will you be disappointed, but your relationships will not be healthy ones. 

Henri Nouwen, in his book The Return of the Prodigal Son, demonstrates a key limitation of human relationships and human love.  It is always based upon conditions.  "I will love you IF..."  or, "I will continue to love you AS LONG AS..."

“As long as I keep running about asking: ‘Do you love me?  Do you really love me?’ I give all the power to the voices of the world and put myself in bondage because the world is filled with ‘ifs.’  The world says: ‘Yes, I love you IF you are good- looking, intelligent, and wealthy.  I love you IF you have a good education, a good job, and good connections.  I love you IF you produce much, sell much, and buy much’

"There are endless ‘ifs’ hidden in the world’s love.  These ‘ifs’ enslave me since it is impossible to respond adequately to all of them.  The world’s love is and always will be conditional…what it offers cannot satisfy the deepest craving of my heart.”

“ I search for unconditional love where it cannot be found.  Why do I keep ignoring the place of true love and persist in looking for it elsewhere?  Why do I keep leaving home where I am called a child of God, the beloved of my Father?”

The goods news is that God CAN meet those needs.  God CAN fulfill the deepest longings of your soul.  And when He does -- when God meets our deepest needs – when we seek God’s love and acceptance FIRST --  then we are able to engage in more healthy relationships with others. 

We need to find our “home” with our Heavenly Father.  We need to find our “completeness” in God’s love for us, because we are God’s beloved FIRST. God "completes" us -- on every level.