Pick Me! Pick Me!

We've all been there, probably on multiple occasions.  We're back in elementary school and it's recess time.   The teacher says we're going to play a game and we need to choose up sides.  So the teacher picks two captains.  "OK, you two pick your teams, one person at a time."  And the agony begins.  Hearts start racing.  Some with excitement.  Some with panic.  Some with sheer dread.

"Pick me!  Pick me!"  comes the refrain from the eager kids.  With their hands raised high, they exude self-assurance and confidence.  They refuse to be left out.  Their animated, relentless chants demand notice -- and so, sometimes out of sheer annoyance, they are picked early.

Then there's the "I'm your friend so you'd better pick me"group.  This group doesn't really have to say anything.  The silent code is powerful enough between the chosen leader and his/her friend group that the leader simply must choose his/her friends.  That, or face the dire consequences later.

And then, depending upon the selected game, there's the gifted/talented/"ringer" kids.  These are the ones any leader would be absolutely foolish not to choose.  Friend or not, if you want to win, you gotta pick them.


Finally, there's the "left overs," the kids who already feel like outcasts but now they are on display for all to see.  Most of the time they are grateful just to be ignored.  But now they can't even take refuge in their anonymity.

So what brought me back to those days on the playground?  Why do I have such a vivid memory of my young peers, huddling together, hoping someone would pick them for their team? 

As I'm working on finishing my grades,  I'm looking over my class rosters.  The semester is over, and I am so very thankful that I got to know so many students.  But it saddens me that many of the names are much less familiar to me.  I saw their faces, but I never really got to see their hearts.  I read their papers and graded their tests, but I never had the privilege to hear all their stories.  And I truly wanted to hear their stories.


I just hope they know how important they are.  Whether they sat in the back or the front.  Whether they tried to hide in the corner or sat prominently in front by the podium.  Whether they eagerly answered every question or lived in fear that they would be called upon, I hope they never felt excluded.

There are no outcasts in the Kingdom of God.  Jesus made it very clear that those who wish to be great in His Kingdom must actually be the most humble.  Leaders must be servants.  Those who take up the rear will ultimately be at the front.  Love for all.  Concern for all.   Attention for all.  That's the Way of Jesus. 

Jesus sees the unseen -- those who are hiding in the shadows, hoping no one will notice them, and yet secretly praying that someone WILL.  As followers of Jesus, we need to pray for eyes to see -- ears to hear -- hearts to love -- not only the ones who are right in front of us, but especially the ones who often go unnoticed.  The "left overs."  The Kingdom of God belongs to them.

It's not about getting an "A" (although I do like "A's"!)

I've been a student and I've been a teacher.  Sometimes simultaneously.  I really enjoy both.  While each role has its unique rewards, many are shared by both student and teacher, such as:

• those moments when real learning takes place and there's this incredible sense of connection and transformation

• when a quiet student finally speaks out in class and everyone realizes what a gift it was

• when the weather outside is absolutely beautiful, so the tennis courts become our classroom 

• when the semester is over, all papers are turned in, exams taken, and all grades submitted.  

But sometimes, the rewards are a bit more one-sided, such as giving and taking exams.  It is by far more fun to give an exam than to take one.  Now if you ace the exam, then it might be more rewarding as a student.  But almost universally, from a teacher's point of view, it's more fun to give than to receive.

There's an art to putting together a good exam.  I'm not claiming to be good at this art.  A good exam engages students with the material learned, making them process, analyze, and apply it more broadly.  If you can create an exam that can do all this AND is easy to grade, you're not just an artist -- you're a Michelangelo (or DaVinci, or Rembrandt, or...) 



I had a professor in college who wrote some very challenging exams.  I still remember them (and it's been many, many years!) His multiple choice questions were legendary.  He had a way of composing them so that you not only had to know the correct answer, but also why the other answers were incorrect -- or what you could do to make the other answers correct -- or why one answer was more "right" than another.  On the day he handed back the exams, we were allowed to "argue" with him over the answers -- arguments which we rarely, if ever, won.   Truthfully, I think he thoroughly enjoyed those days!


In John's Gospel, the disciples gave Jesus a sort of "multiple-choice" question when they encountered a man who was born blind.  Their question had only two possible choices.  "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents?"  The man was blind.  There had to be a reason.  These are the two possible reasons:  A)  the man sinned,  or  B) his parents sinned.

There's a great deal more that could be said about the connection of sin to disease, and I acknowledge the importance of that theological discussion.   But I'm more fascinated with Jesus' response to their multiple choice question. 

"Which is it, Rabbi --  A or B?"  And Jesus responds,  "C."  Jesus rewrote the question!

Isn't that what following Jesus is all about?  We so often see the world, we see our problems, through such limited eyes.   Just like the disciples, we see limited options -- limited possibilities.  And sometimes none of them look promising.  But they're all we have.

Until Jesus enters the picture.  And He rewrites the question.  How can He do that?  Because He is God, that's how.

He turned water into wine.
He gave sight to the blind.
He fed the multitudes with just a few loaves of bread and two fish.
He rose from the dead.
He promises to never leave us -- ever.

Following Jesus means there are ENDLESS possibilities.  Following Jesus is the way of HOPE.  It's not about being right or wrong.  It's about loving Him, loving others, and being open to all the possibilities.
 

Honestly, I want to be bored...

I guess I was naive.  You see, I assumed that as I got older, the world would start to make more sense to me.  There would be fewer questions.  The clouds would slowly disappear and the bright sun would dissolve all the shadows -- the questions, the inconsistencies, the uncertainties.

I assumed that all my experiences (some of which have been more painful than I care to admit), would not only have helped prepare me for any future struggles, but would have also granted me a sort of "protective wisdom" for my mind and heart.  A wisdom that carefully deflected any unsettling information because, of course, I've already been down most of those roads before so there is no need for me to face the pain and discomfort again.  I've already learned the lessons.  I will prayerfully and lovingly sit with others who are going down these paths.  In fact, it will be my honor to travel with them.  But spare me the internal dissonance and in-congruence. I've been there.  I've done that.



In short, I assumed I would find the "settledness" that had eluded me for most of my life.  Not just answers to the deeper questions, but also a sense of peace concerning the ones that cannot be answered.  I assumed that by this time I might even be a little bored, and would need to seek ways to keep my mind engaged.


Nope.  But I wish.

As I look around at my closest traveling companions on this journey of faith, some of them are pretty settled.  Some are not.  I am blessed to have both kinds in my life.

But I am MOST blessed to have those who will put up with all my "unsettledness" -- the ones who will sit with me and listen to my questions, and who don't bail when we disagree or when the questions become uncomfortable, or when they hit too close to home.  The ones who will love me enough to listen, and to push back.  Those fellow travelers, those fellow followers of Jesus Christ, are rare and priceless gifts.

There is no shortage of "experts" in our world today.  There is no shortage of people who will tell you what to believe on any and every issue.  People who will tell you how Christians should act, what Christians should believe, how Christians should worship, how Christians should vote, who Christians should marry, where Christians should live, how Christians should spend their money, what movies Christians should see, what movies Christians should NOT see, what Christians should drive, what Christians should eat, etc., etc.



So who's right?  Who is the REAL expert?  It depends upon who you ask.  So, instead of agreeing or disagreeing with the experts, I'd rather affirm a Truth.  What should Christians do? 

 Christians should love.  

 In an attempt to discredit Jesus, to test Him with a trick question, the Pharisees asked Him to pick out the greatest commandment in the Law.  This was His reply:

 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." 

And interestingly, even though they didn't ask Him for the second greatest, He gave that to them as well:

"Love your neighbor as yourself." 

In all my unsettledness, I have become more and more settled upon this all-important truth for MY life -- I want to follow Jesus Christ.  I want to follow this miraculous Human Being, God "in the flesh,"  who changed all of history.  

I would really like to be bored.  But I'm not sure that's an option for me.  I don't feel as though God has granted me permission to stop asking questions. Even if it hurts.  Even if I'm wrong.  Even if I'm right.

It can seem very lonely at times.   But I'm becoming more and more convinced that I'm really not that alone. I'm pretty sure there are others out there who are finding "settledness" an elusive dream.  We will probably not all agree on the answers to the questions.  For that matter, we won't all agree on which questions even need to be asked.

But as followers of Jesus Christ, we can agree to love Him -- and to love one another.   In fact, on this we MUST agree.

I just won't grow old...

Last week the board of our local hospital and nursing home announced that they are closing the nursing home.  The primary reasons given were economical -- on the national and state levels.  It was a very difficult decision for them to make, they said.  But for the future of the hospital, it was necessary.

There are currently 62 residents who call this particular location "home."  One of those individuals is my father-in-law.  As he slipped further and further into dementia, my mother-in-law continued to take care of him.  Never have I witnessed such devotion or sacrifice in another individual as I have in my mother-in-law.  She literally gave all she had to this man, her beloved husband.  When she simply could not do it all herself, family members and caregivers helped.  Still she gave.  She gave until she could give no more, until her husband needed a level of care that could no longer be provided at home.  And so, finally, he became a resident of this nursing home.  She could at least rest in the fact that she did everything she could -- now he was at a different "home," but he was home.  He was comfortable, and that brought her great comfort.

I sat at her kitchen table last weekend with other family members as she spoke of her pain and frustration at the closing of his "home."  While my heart broke with hers over the news, I was most disturbed by one particular comment she made.  "No one cares what I think.  I'm just an old person."  

Yesterday I encountered another elderly woman in our community and I listened to her as she spoke of the closing.  She made a comment that disturbed me even more than what my mother-in-law said.  "There is no one left to trust anymore.  I am afraid."


On my way back from North Carolina a few weeks ago I was waiting at a crowded gate in the Charlotte airport.  An elderly couple walked up. Without hesitation, a young, executive-type 20-something man jumped to his feet and motioned for them to sit down.   It seemed like an instinct for him.  As if royalty had walked into the room and the only appropriate response was to rise and give them his seat.  I wanted to run over to this guy and tell him how proud I was of his action, but I feared that he would see this as patronizing -- so I just smiled, and thanked God for him, and prayed that my children would be like him. 

Life presents us with many choices.  Some are of little consequence and carry little or no moral or spiritual value. What shirt should I wear today?  What should I eat for lunch?   Other choices bear greater weight, affecting our families and friends. 

 

And some choices go far beyond our personal circle of loved ones.  Some affect other families, entire communities, and beyond.  Often these decisions are made in board rooms, conference rooms, capital buildings, chambers, and oval offices.  Often these decisions carry a great deal of weight - and have significant moral and spiritual value.  

I understand that these are difficult economic times for our state, our nation, and our world.  But we certainly didn't get here overnight.  Collectively, WE made decisions over the course of years and years.  Those decisions impact what is happening today.  We can blame "government." We can blame "the economic situation."  Except that WE are the government.  The government is comprised of PEOPLE.  

 

There's a phrase that keeps coming back to me.  It's nothing overly profound, but it HAS given me a different perspective on this journey of faith I'm traveling.

It is possible for good people to make a poor decision.

Another one that is closely related,

  Good people can disagree about what is the "right" decision.

God has used these simple insights to remind me that I cannot just sit back and be silent.  This extremely "non-confrontational, avoid conflict at any cost" person that I am needs to change.  I am responsible.  He is expecting ME to be a voice for Him -- for those who feel they have no voice -- for those who feel afraid -- for those who believe there is no one who is trustworthy anymore.

This post is a start.

 

God's heart is for the poor, the neglected, the helpless, the weak.  Scripture overwhelming affirms this truth.  God's heart is for the 62 residents of that nursing home, and for the millions of other older Americans who are being overlooked by our funding choices -- as a nation, as a state, and as a small community.






Hubert Humprey once said:

"The moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped."

Most of us will grow old.  And one day, most of us will be at the mercy of others to decide our fate.  But for now, I'm praying for the courage -- and the humility -- to seek after God's heart, wherever that leads me.  To rise in the presence of those who are older than me and give them the honor they so richly deserve.

I am here, we all are here,  in large part because of the faithfulness and sacrifice of those who came before us.  We trusted them, and they delivered.  Their lack of trust in us should not only grieve us.  It should compel us to action.

Gaining and Losing - Celebrating the Life of Deb Noyes

Yesterday's chapel was a memorial service, a celebration of the life of one of our faculty members who left Greenville College much too soon.  Even more heartbreaking, she left her family -- her husband and children and grandchildren -- her siblings and her mother.  

Dr. Debra Lynn Noyes died on December 12, 2012

 at the age of 58.   

We chose to have her memorial service during our regular chapel time because she was one of us.  She was a member of the Greenville College community.   And it was only appropriate to celebrate her life during a regular gathering that has helped define Greenville College for over 100 years -- chapel.  

As we gathered yesterday we were reminded that the Greenville College community reaches beyond those of us who currently work and study here (students, faculty, staff and administration) -- but it extends to families, churches, alumni, and friends across the country, and even around the world.  It extends to generations past, and generations to come.  As we gathered to honor and remember Deb, this fact became very clear. 

Unfortunately, the majority of our current students didn't have the privilege of knowing Deb Noyes.  She taught in our Education Department, and unless a student was an Early Childhood major they likely wouldn't have had a class with her.  She was exceptionally kind and patient, treating her students much like her own children, passing on to them her expertise and love for working with the youngest in our school systems.

Many among our faculty didn't have the privilege of knowing Deb very well.  Honestly, we have limited times of interaction with each other.  We gather for Fall Faculty Fellowship before the school year begins, but after those two days we are off and running.  Unless we work in the same building or department, or happen to be on the same committees, it is unlikely that we'll see one another very often. 

And yet, we are all still part of the Greenville College community.  Whether we work in the Education Department, or the Religion/Philosophy Department, in the Dining Commons or the President's Office, we are in this together.  "This" is the Greenville College community.  It's certainly not a perfect place.  And it's certainly not the only place, or the only community to be a part of.   But it's ours.  

And yesterday, it was such an honor to claim Debra Noyes as one of us.  It was such a high privilege for us to know that we're part of the same community from which Deb came, and to which Deb gave so much of herself.  Two of her former students sent letters to be read -- letters that expressed such love and appreciation for all she gave to them, especially the intangible life lessons that they now pass on to their own students.  One former student drove hundreds of miles just to be with us and personally share her story.  And many others are continuing to express the countless ways in which Deb has positively influenced them -- both professionally and personally.

Yesterday was a time to remember the life of Dr. Debra Noyes.  It was a time to celebrate how God has used her life to impact the lives of many, many others.  It was a time to stop and look around at our community -- not just those present at the service, but all those who stand with and for us.  

Most importantly, it was a time to glorify God because this community belongs to Him, and He favored this community by granting us the gift of Debra Noyes.  It was a time to focus upon the fact that Greenville College exists primarily to be a Christ-centered community of faith and learning. We must always remain so.   Jesus Christ must always be at the center.  It is our faith in God that sustains us, and our love for Christ that unites us.  

It was Mark Noyes, Deb's husband, who most powerfully reminded us of that fact.  It was Mark's faith, in the midst of his great loss, that inspired us to have faith and to keep Christ at the center.

And we not only welcome Mark's words, but take them to heart.  Because Mark is an important member of our community, too.  

We will miss you, Deb Noyes.  You were one of us, and you can never, ever,  be replaced.  Our community is forever enriched because of you.  The legacy you leave has eternal value.  Which, of course, is the very best kind.

Who told you that you were special??

"No other person has ever been born - nor will there ever be one - who is just like you.  Yes, God created you to be different from everyone else, and that's why you are special."  

(from an evangelistic track by Good News Publishers)

"You are special.  You are unique.  There is no one else like you. "

Hold it!  Stop the tape!  

With all due respect to Mr. Rogers (I loved him), let's follow this reasoning to it's logical conclusion.  I am special.  I am unique.  God created me to be different from everyone else. There is no one else like me.  No one else who thinks like I do.  No one else who has had the same experiences as me.  No one else who sees the world like I do.  No one who can really understand me.  No one who can truly relate to me.

I am alone.

On the surface, "you are special" seems like a great message.  Who doesn't want to hear that they are special?  Who doesn't want to believe that they are unique?

I've gone through most of my life with an acute awareness of my uniqueness.  In fact, this has led me to believe that there was no one in my life who truly understood me.   No one.  And I've sort of self-righteously attributed that to the fact that I'm special.  I'm unique.  No one else sees the world like I do.  No one has experienced what I've experienced.  Therefore, how could they possibly understand?  I am a deep ocean.  I am an impenetrable fortress.  No one can fathom the mystery of "me."  

REALLY???  Where in the world did THAT come from?? First of all, it's not as if people are lining up for the chance to explore the depths of me!  I am under no such delusions!  But secondly (and much more importantly) I'm just not as unique as I thought I was.  Which is actually a bit painful to admit -- and humbling. 


I do believe that God created each of us with unique personalities and characteristics.   Trust me.  I've taken the major personality tests -- the MBTI, the MMPI, the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, the 16PF (I majored in Psychology).   I've taken the Strengthsfinder, and several spiritual gifts inventories. 

With the Psalmist, I overwhelmingly affirm that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" by our Creator. I know that we come from diverse backgrounds and life experiences, and these all shape who we are today.

But I've lived long enough to encounter hundreds of people.  And I've had the privilege of hearing the stories of dozens and dozens.  The more I hear, the more convinced I am of our similarities, not our differences.  We share so much in common with each other.   Sure, we're "packaged" differently -- introvert or extrovert, ruled by our heads or ruled by our hearts, go with the flow or stick to the schedule.  And life experiences have forever changed us -- in some cases, dramatically. 

Yes, we are all unique.  AND, we are all alike.

I think it's time to stop playing the  "you are special, you are unique" tape over and over again.  At least in my case, I've heard it enough. 

Instead, maybe we should play the "we belong to one another in Christ so we should strive to be of one mind and heart" tape more. 

Because as followers of Jesus Christ, we really do belong to one another.  Which means we have a GREAT DEAL in common.  But are we still special?  We're created in God's Image -- of course we're special!  We're just not alone.

Rejoicing At My Incompetence!

“Theological formation is the gradual and often painful discovery of God's incomprehensibility. You can be competent in many things, but you cannot be competent in God.” 

(Henri Nouwen)

I love learning.  When I'm doing any kind of research on a topic (even if it's just to decide on a convection oven), it will often lead to another topic (how does convection technology really work?) and another (who founded the KitchenAid company?) and another (what happens to food when it is microwaved vs baked?).  If I'm not careful, an hour or two can pass by rather quickly.  For those who know about Gallop's Strengths, the answer is yes, I have "Input."


I love learning about God.  Something within me comes "alive" as I'm learning about theology and spiritual formation.  I love the study of Scripture.  The process of digging into a Biblical text with good commentaries is so energizing to me,  revealing truths about God that I never knew before. 


I am privileged to work at a Christian liberal arts college where learning is seen as an act of worship, and intellectual development is encouraged as a way to love God with our minds.  Jesus affirmed this when He reminded the Pharisees to "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" (Matthew 22:37).


I rejoice with my colleagues when students truly engage in learning.  I'm all in!  And I'm so thankful for the privilege of teaching because it allows me to be a part of the process. The added bonus is that I get to learn as well.


But in my quest to learn, in my sincere effort to KNOW God, and in my seemingly relentless pursuit to try to figure out everything I can about God, I sometimes forget this most important truth:

 "You can be competent in many things, but you cannot be competent in God."

At the end of the day, there is no theological framework, no philosophical argument, no scientific formula, to fully explain God.  In fact, at the end of the day, our human attempts at explaining God are feeble, at best (destructive, at worst).


Rather, at the end of the day, I think it's the poets and song writers who do it best.  They are the "wordsmiths" who capture the emotions that I hope and pray I will always have when I truly consider who God is.


While I still love the great hymns of the church,  I also appreciate the worship songs of today.  Some are better than others (which is also true of hymns), but most of the time these songs truly bring me into the Presence of God. 


These are the songs that use words like "amazing," and "indescribable."  They cry out,  "I'm desperate for You!  I'm lost without You!"  They remind me of the important truths I need to hear, such as "oh, how He loves us," and "You never let go, in every high and every low.  Lord, You never let go of me."


Here is yet another place where our college students often become my teachers.  I love to watch them as they worship the Lord with sincere abandon.  I am humbled and encouraged as they proclaim their undivided love for Jesus Christ.


I love learning about God.  But I want to fully embrace the fact that I CANNOT BE COMPETENT IN GOD.  I want to remain IN AWE.  I want to stay AMAZED.

  AMAZED          

You dance over me,
While I am unaware.
You sing all around,
But I never hear the sound.
Lord, I'm amazed by you
Lord, I'm amazed by you
Lord, I'm amazed by you
How you love me.

How wide, how deep, how great is your love for me!

(Phillips, Craig & Dean)