I Want to Be A Kid

When did I become a grown-up?  Really, was there a specific date?  Did I sign some form?  Was it when I graduated from high school or college?  When I got my first full-time job with my own apartment?  Was it when I started paying for my own car and health insurance?  When I got married?  Or was it when I had children of my own?


When we're young, we can't wait to be grown ups.  I have three teenagers who often tell me that they can't wait to be older -- to have more freedom to do what they want -- to be "in charge." But what they don't understand, what most of us don't understand when we're young, is that freedom comes with a great deal of responsibility. 


Honestly, sometimes I just want to be a kid again. I want to play with all the cool toys that came out right after I was too old to play with them.  I want to be a kid again, whose only responsibility is to clean my room and try to be nice to my little sister (which was often quite challenging).  I want to look forward to new shoes and clothes and school supplies (none of which I had to pay for personally). I want to be the one who doesn't have to think any further into the future than the weekend.  I want to be the one whose main concern is what my mom is making for dinner and whether or not we'll get enough snow for a snow day (which didn't happen very often in Chicago).

Yep, I want to be a kid again.  The one without any real responsibilities.  The one who gets to ask all the questions, instead of answering them.  I want to be the one who gets to ask questions like, "What happens when we die?" and "What will heaven be like?" and "Why are there such bad people in the world?" and "If God can do anything, why doesn't He stop bad things from happening to good people?" and "How could God let that family suffer the loss of two sons in less than a year?"


OK, truth be told I really don't want to be a kid again.  Sure, it has its perks, but I don't want to have to learn all those lessons again.  Not just the ones from school, but also all those "life lessons".  You know the ones.  And I have NO desire to go through the teenage years again.


However and wherever and whenever it happened, I'm a grown up.  And grown ups have responsibilities.  Lots of them.  And sometimes they are overwhelming.  Sometimes they almost take your breath away.


And then, almost by surprise, I am reminded that I am still a child.  I am God's child.  HE is responsible for ME.   As a shepherd protects his sheep, so the Lord protects me.  I listen for His voice, and He calls me home, back into the fold where there is shelter and safety and peace.  I belong to Him, and He has promised to do anything and everything to protect me from harm.  He doesn't promise that life will be easy.  In fact, He pretty much guarantees that it will not.  But He is the Good Shepherd who loves His sheep more than His own life.  I can rest in this fact -- I will always be His child.